Madness

I actually had this one planned out this year. I had this prepared for the top 100 ranked teams as well as the teams who my bookie determined had at least a 15% chance to win their conference. Obviously this did involve some finessing come Selection Sunday but I can say with 95% confidence that this list was 90% completed on March 9th.

Here is the 2026 Animal Kingdom list. 36 animal teams are back this year, which means we have 36 chances to watch the most elusive, dangerous, spry and beautiful animals battle it out for glory as Noah intended on his boat.

Your goal is to predict the number of wins by teams with animal based names from the First Round to the National Championship game. Last year we had a total of 39 animal wins. Does history tend to repeat itself or do we just drag it forward with us? If you remember to forget, have you really forgotten? This along with your Animal Kingdom numbers is up for you to decode and decide.

The pack is back. Each win by wolfpack teams will count as 2. This should help bring balance to the underrepresented animal communities. Why? Think ManBearPig.

Take a look at the animals below and start figuring out the method for solving this age-old problem. This is free to join and open for anyone, of any race, gender, sex, creed or species to participate in.

Alabama Crimson Tide: NO.
Akron Zips: YKK, YNONO.
Arizona Wildcats: Yes, not gonna mention there being a lot of wildcat teams again this year.
Arkansas Razorbacks: Yep. I always have to remember that these are feral pigs and not the name of a serial killer with DEWALT 60 teeth heavy gauge ferrous metal cutting saw blades (DWA7737) lodged in his or her spine.
BYU Cougars: More mormon mommies moan monumentally.
Cal Baptist Lancers: Sir Lance-a-Not.
Clemson Tigers: Yes. In the wild, about half of all tiger cubs do not survive more than two years .
Duke Blue Devils: If they were sunny and from Arizona State it would still be a no.
Florida Gators: Yes.
Furman Paladins: My buddy used to work at Paladin Security for BCIT. I masked my number and called his office and in my best Alzheimer grandpa voice I told him that my sneaky little grandson was hiding on campus. Guy had to spend like 2 hours looking for him and then filed a police report. True story. But no, not an animal.
Georgia Bulldogs: Yes, bulldogs. 
Gonzaga Bulldogs: Yes, bulldogs.
Hawaii Rainbow Warriors: No, but unique. Unique New York. Nu nique yew nork.
High Point Panthers: Yes but, what the fuck is a Point Panther? And why is it doing drugs?!
Hofstra Pride: Given that this is a pack of lions and not a feeling of deep satisfaction and self-respect, or the promotion of self-affirmation, dignity, and equality for LGBTQIA2S+ people, I’m gonna say yes.
Houston Cougars: Yes, Kelvin Sampson deserves all glory. 2026 is his year.
Howard Bison: This sounds like the last 3 words a man would say to his son Howie as he takes his last breath and peacefully passes into the night.
Idaho Vandals: So a bunch of black guys?
Illinois Fighting Illini: No, sadly no.
Iowa Hawkeyes: So close.
Iowa State Cyclones: Nope
Kansas Jayhawks: Mythical bird. FUCK IT, we are counting it again this year.
Kennesaw State Owls: WHO!?
Kentucky Wildcats: Still not talking about them.
Lehigh Mountain Hawks: This sounds like a Frenchman talking about alpine marijuana birds. 
LIU Sharks: Thought this was a Chinese basketball team that snuck into the tournament this year. Turns out LIU stands for Long Island University and is not a last name.
Louisville Cardinals: Yes. Stanford crying.
McNeese Cowboys: Amir ‘Aura’ Khan put these guys on the map.
Miami (FL) Hurricanes: If they were from Carolina and were the panthers, then yes.
Miami (OH) RedHawks: (OH) Yeah.
Michigan Wolverines: Yes. Go watch Season 6 of Alone if you haven’t already.
Michigan State Spartans: This is Michigan!
Missouri Tigers: Yes. In 1937 The Bali tiger went extinct, leaving behind very little scientific information about how it lived .
NC State Wolfpack: Pack is back. 2x multiplier has taken affect.
Nebraska Cornhuskers: No and I absolutely hate that this translates to the Nebraska Nebraskaians.
North Carolina Tar Heels: Ignoring this.
North Dakota State Bison: Yes.
Ohio State Buckeyes: Almost.
Penn Quakers: Hmm nah.
Prairie View Panthers: I have 2 cats. 
Purdue Boilermakers: It’s a unique name but it also pisses me off.
Queens Royals: New school I haven’t heard of until this year. Good name but no animal, Elizabeth.
Saint Louis Billikens: Fuck mythical monkeys.
Saint Mary’s Gaels: No. Again, imagine if the was the Saint Mary’s Mongolians or the Saint Mary’s Mexicans.
Santa Clara Broncos: Let’s ride.
Siena Saints: Sorry.
SMU Mustangs: Horse yes, car no.
South Florida Bulls: Okay, sure. 
St. John’s Red Storm: No but the apostle is signaling imminent danger from weather.
TCU Horned Frogs: Adopted a frog when I was like 2. Not really adopted but more like mom ran him over with her bike and then brought him home to nurse back to health. He lived for 5 more years, his name was Bruce Wayne.
Tennessee Volunteers: Pay to play.
Tennessee State Tigers: Yes. Due to habitat fragmentation, many wild tigers will never actually meet another tiger .
Texas A&M Aggies: Fuck off with this aggie shit.
Texas Longhorns: Yes. I was once told that cows cannot walk backwards, upon my Google search 1 minute ago, I found out the was false. I went my whole life blindly believing this and went as far as telling others this as if it was gospel.
Texas Tech Red Raiders: No, but I appreciate the alliterations.
Troy Trojans: Sounds like the name a big gives to a pledge to make fun of him for having safe sex.
UCF Knights: Head to the round table.
UCLA Bruins: Yes. Unequivocally yes.
UConn Huskies: Beautiful dog. Waiting on the Yellowknife Hounds to come out of the woodwork.
UMBC Retrievers: Like a dog?
UNI Panthers: Yep, no complaints.
Utah State Aggies: Fuck off with this aggie shit.
Vanderbilt Commodores: Can’t believe I forgot these guys. Like the Ballroom?
VCU Rams: What’s the difference between a ram and a goat?
Villanova Wildcats: WOW!
Virginia Cavaliers: I’ve always been hesitant with this one because a cavalier is a small spaniel, but the logo is like swords and shit. Still gonna leave this one off.
Wisconsin Badgers: Yes. There are 15 different species of badgers including the Asian Badger, Japanese Badger and the Chinese Ferret-Badger. All I know is that China and Japan were not satisfied with Asian and needed their own types.
Wright State Raiders: When I think of Raiders I think of one of 3 things:
1. Maxx Crosby Maxx Crosby Maxx Crosby
2. That MTV show where they would kidnap people and break into their house to go through their
shit
3. A visible minority who enters a place illegally and usually violently, and steals from it