ANIMALS
This is always the last thing that needs to be completed because up until Selection Sunday, we really don’t know what is what and who is in. With that being said, here is the 2025 Animal Kingdom list in all of its glory. 43 animal teams are coming out for the tournament this year which is the highest amount of animals that we have had since I started counting, this year. Some animals may be eliminated in the First Four round on March 18th and 19th. This means that to start the tournament we will be sitting anywhere from 40 to 43 animal teams. Not too bad!
Your goal is to predict the number of wins from the First Round to the National Championship game by teams with animal based names. It may seem simple at first but, not all animals can peacefully coexist, it’s a dog eat dog world. Imagine Wofford vs. Gonzaga.
Unfortunately, no wolfpack made it back this year so there will be no double points. Last year 11 seed NC State went on a generational run all the way to the Final Four, racking up 8 points before getting taken down. A live action remake of this was recently released starring Jeremy Renner as the NCAA and a General Atomics MQ-9 Reaper as Purdue.
Well, what are you waiting for? Take a look at the animals below and start figuring out the method for solving this age old problem. Remember, this is free to join and open for anyone, of any race, gender, sex, creed or species to participate in.
Akron Zips: I wish there was an animal called a zip, it would be an iguana or some shit.
Alabama Crimson Tide: Singin’ sweet home Alabama til the red cows come home.
Alabama State Hornets: Don’t know who these chumps are but they look sharp.
American Eagles: Of course there is a University called American University and it mascot is an eagle. Also, free branding Aerie.
Arizona Wildcats: Hopefully only 3 wildcats this year.
Arkansas Razorbacks: I love this goddamn pig.
Auburn Tigers: Ohh this kittens got claws.
Baylor Bears: Necessity.
Bryant Bulldogs: Easy now.
BYU Cougars: Mature Mormon mom mates meticulously, mingling more men
Clemson Tigers: These are the actual kings of the jungle. I have yet to see a tiger get giraffe stomped.
Colorado State Rams: What’s the difference between a ram and a goat?
Creighton Bluejays: Yes, I’ve always been a fan.
Drake Bulldogs: Drake the typa nigga to have a bull, dawg.
Duke Blue Devils: Just like Arizona State, these guys flew too close to the sun
Florida Gators: Yes, the pinnacle of monsters.
Gonzaga Bulldogs: Yes, such a classic. I probably played on 7 different bulldogs teams growing up.
Grand Canyon Antelopes: These guys are underrated and have sick horns. Too bad they are almost extinct.
Georgia Bulldogs: Yes but, tread lightly.
High Point Panthers: These guys only have 5,000 undergraduates. So if you go there, there’s a 0.4% chance that you can make the team. Cuz that’s how math works.
Houston Cougars: Yep. Been to Houston once and can confirm.
Illinois Fighting Illini: Fuck Illini, that’s like the Lipscomb Bisons being named the Lipscomb Lipskis.
Iowa State Cyclones: No
Kansas Jayhawks: Mythical bird. FUCK IT, we are counting it again this year
Kentucky Wildcats: Come on.
Liberty Flames: These guy make some of the worst commercials ever. Never even smirked once.
Lipscomb Bisons: Yes, it is a leading Christian university in Nashville where anything is possible.
Louisville Cardinals: Yes
Marquette Golden Eagles: Beautiful. Majestic. Shiny
Maryland Terrapins: Yes, but I’ll admit I had to Google what a terrapin was again.
McNeese Cowboys: No this is a guy not a baby male cow.
Memphis Tigers: Yes but, every year we get like 50 million tigers. For once could we not get like 3 or 4 Salukis.
Michigan Wolverines: A top 10 animal for me for sure.
Michigan State Spartans: Once again these guy miss the cut.
Mississippi State Bulldogs: Another bulldogs?! However, if you think about it, they should technically count for more than 1 animal.
Missouri Tigers: See what I’m saying.
Montana Grizzlies: Yep, I’ve seen one.
Mount St. Mary’s Mountaineers: No but I don’t hate it.
New Mexico Lobos: Can confirm, this is a wolf.
Norfolk State Spartans: I didn’t know Norfolk was a state.
North Carolina Tar Heels: I really like this name but its not even close.
Northern Iowa Panthers: Yep, no complaints.
Northwestern Wildcats: Yep, but be careful with these ones now.
Oklahoma Sooners: Nope, laters.
Ole Miss Rebels: Literally sounds like a newspaper headline for a grandma who wasn’t playing BINGO by the rules at her retirement home.
Omaha Mavericks: Yeah. I always forget if this is a cow or the name of a star wars ship or something.
Oregon Ducks: Weak animal but some of the sickest jerseys out there.
Purdue Boilermakers: Might as well call these fuckers the Purdue HVAC Specialists.
Robert Morris Colonials: Once named the Pittsburgh School of Accountancy, now shares the same name as a televangelist who had very inappropriate relations with a minor.
Saint Mary’s Gaels: HA GAEL!
San Diego State Aztecs: The fucking Mayans man.
SIUE Cougars: Yes but what even is this team.
St. Francis (PA) Red Flash: Scarlet Flash would sound better.
St. John’s Red Storm: Scarlet Storm would sound better.
Tennessee Volunteers: No, pay the man.
Texas A&M Aggies: Fuck off with this Aggie shit.
Texas Longhorns: Really good name. Respectable name, almost too respectable.
Texas Tech Red Raiders: Scarlet Raiders wouldn’t sound better.
Troy Trojans: Actually a pretty solid name based on history.
UC San Diego Tritons: No, although it shares the name with a snail.
UCLA Bruins: This was my dream school but at the time they were sponsored by Adidas so I just went to Douglas.
UConn Huskies: Yes. Say this university fast and people will wonder why a Canadian Territory is allowed to play in this tournament.
UNC Wilmington Seahawks: Yep.
Utah State Aggies: Fuck off with this Aggie shit.
Vanderbilt Commodores: Like the ballroom?
VCU Rams: Yes, but let’s hope nobody on their team has Covid.
Wisconsin Badgers: Mushroom. Mushroom.
Wofford Terriers: Good boy.
Xavier Musketeers: No but good try pirate boy.
Yale Bulldogs: Yay, it’s these guys again.